Questing for Contentment

Well you guys, here we are, almost a month (to the day) from my last post. Sigh. I would love to tell you that a lot has happened since then but honestly, not much has. School has been my life for the last month. Literally my life these days is completely consumed with class. When I am not in class, I am either studying for classes, procrastinating on said studying, sleeping, or eating. At least that's what it feels like to me. For those of you who know me, that is not normally how my life looks. I am one of those people who needs human interaction, and as much as I love my roommate (sometimes), its not enough. For the past few weeks I feel as though I have been in a constant state of searching, and the more I think about it, I haven't been searching for one specific thing per-se, but at the same time I have. I've been searching for contentment, and obviously that doesn't look like anything tangible. So, my mind has been finding things that I seem to equate with contentment and telling me that is what I am looking for. For example, I feel like I have been yearning for good grades, and fun times with friends, and relaxation, and physical activity. To me, those things I mentally equate with being happy and content because those are the things I tend to worry and harp on most. This past month for me can really be described by Philippians 4:11-13:

"Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who gives me strength." 

This past month has also been a season of learning put perfectly by Christ in John 15:4-5.

"Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine, you are the branches, whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing."

If I am being honest with you guys, which is part of the whole reason I started this blog, I have not been fully abiding in Christ these past few weeks. Yes I have kept up with my Bible reading, and been saying my prayers and all of that type of "Christian" behavior. But guys, it wasn't coming from all of my heart. You know what kills me, and just absolutely tears me up inside? Regardless of how half-hearted my devotion has been to Him these past few weeks, He still stands with his arms open wide, ready to accept the prodigal son home. There is something about that story. Yeah, yeah, we all heard the parable of the prodigal son in VBS and Sunday School since we were toddlers (at least I did). But growing up and maturing as a believer, there is something about gaining ownership of the fact the story of the prodigal son is our own. Thats the story of the strong-headed, stubborn daughter named Sarah. The countless number of times I have essentially taken my share of my inheritance from Christ and then did whatever I wanted with it, only to come back when my way didn't work. I mean look at me guys, I am doing it now. Over and over, the Father accepts me back. Relentless, unconditional, never ending, abounding in love. Thats the type of God I serve. 

So heres to the next few weeks. Relying solely on Christ, reminding myself that I can do nothing on my own, and worshiping my Savior with the type of reckless abandon He deserves.